If his favourite book falls, I know he's around somewhere: Sutapa on Irrfan

Late actor Irrfan’s wife, writer Sutapa Sikdar, recently opened up about the last couple of years that she spent with him, before he passed away in 2020. She said that she was with him 24/7 as Irrfan had said that he didn’t need a nurse. Sutapa mentioned that even during that tough time, she never believed that Irrfan would not get better eventually.

Speaking with Bollywood Bubble, Sutapa said she suffered from depression at the time, but also a sense of ‘bewilderment.’ “I have never had a cancer patient in my family so this was very new for me. At first, Irrfan did not want to get anything done. He didn’t want to do chemotherapy. He just had organic food, lived a holistic life, and so the days went by, and I was on it, on the job, to talk to doctors and experts. So, I did not give my mind (the space) to grieve. There was a lot of depression and bewilderment, and of course, sleepless nights. We didn’t hire a nurse, 24/7 I was with him, because he wouldn’t have anyone else. I used to think maybe I somehow gave the wrong impression to Irrfan that we will brave through this. I keep asking myself, ‘did I do something wrong?'”

Sutapa also went on to state that both she and Irrfan were very different individuals. While Irrfan was a night person, she was a day person, which meant that they often ended up sleeping in different rooms. But the last two years of Irrfan’s life was different for both of them.

“Two years we were sleeping on the same bed, when I didn’t know we would not do it again. In two years, he said for the first time that he loves me. (I remember) He was in complete pain so he gestured. So even though he is gone, I know he is around, especially at nights, if it’s raining, or his favourite book falls, I know he’s around somewhere,” Sutapa concluded.

Known for his versatile body of work in Indian and international cinema, Irrfan passed away on April 29, 2020 after fighting a long battle with cancer. He is survived by Sutapa and their two children, Ayaan and Babil. Babil will soon be making his Hindi film debut with Netflix feature Qala.